Bb                 F             Gm
Step 1 preheat the oven til it's hot
            F              Bb
Then take a mixing bowl or pot
        F           Gm
A spatula or wooden spoon
       F                    Bb
Settle down we'll be baking soon
         F              Gm
A cup of milk, a cup of flour
          F                    Bb
Mix in an egg then wait for an hour
           F              Gm
Take sultanas to fill the holes
             F                Bb
I just can't wait to lick the bowl
Eb                F                Gm
Take the bowl and pour the mixture in
          F                      Bb
Make sure you've pre-greased the tin
Eb            F                Gm
You'll see it won't take long
             Bb     F      Bb
Now you know how to bake a scone

[Part 2]
Bb                 F             Gm
Step 1 you put your camouflage gear on
F                          Bb
Head to a nearby lake or pond
            F              Gm
Hide in the bush with your Kazoo
               F            Bb
Put it in your mouth and go Doo Doo
         F                  Gm
Mid afternoon's your safest bet
                 F            Bb
Make sure you're ready with a net
Bb                  F                Gm
Take some bread and leave a trail of crumbs
            F            Bb
Wait patiently until one comes
Eb            F              Gm
Tiptoe up to it don't make a sound
           F                       Bb
Place your bait gently down on the ground
Eb              F                 Gm
Once you're nearby then you're in luck
             Bb     F       Bb
Now you know how to catch a duck.

[Part 3]
Bb                F                Gm
Step 1. Head to a seedy part of of town
            F              Bb
Pull to the curb and look around
Bb                F              Gm
Once you've found one who looks alright
            F           Bb
Pick up the lady of the night
Bb            F             Gm
Take her back to your hotel room
              F           Bb
Break off the handle of a broom
Bb       F              Gm
Lay some plastic on the floor
         F                Bb
Creep up behind the dirty whore
Eb               F                 Gm
Hit her with the broom until she's dead
              F                 Bb
Then dump the body but keep the head
Eb          F             Gm
No-one will ever know who took her
             Bb     F      Bb
Now you know how to kill a hooker